RUMINATING

So, I’ve been here almost a month and I’ve been stewing on a few things: general stuff and small tidbits that contrast sharply with home.

1. Glitter. Everyone here wears jeans, all the time. The thing about the jeans is that they’re all glittery. Even the shirts are glittery. Even the hairpieces and shoes are glittery. Studs, glued glitter and silver threads, everything always glitter. There are no words.

2. Butterflies. BUTTerflies. Atop the glittery jeans are BUTTerflies. The body of the butterfly lies at the butt crack of the jeans and then the wings of the butterflies spread out over each butt cheek. Even fewer words.

3. Rotty Rotty teeth. I long for the days of good Austin Powers dental hygiene. No joke, most people’s teeth here are black. Not yellow. Not white. Not gray. Black. In lieu of plaque build up at the bottom of their teeth, they have black… whatever. And atop the black build up, their teeth have slashes of black across their teeth. Even the children have black teeth. It looks like the whole city has been chewing on tar gum.

4. Skin color. A woman from Africa came for a job in my school and one of my “advantages” over her (ie. reason I should not feel threatened) is my Portland Pallor. I’m pasty and she’s not, therefore I’m more qualified to teach English?

5. OJ. Yeah, um, they sell “orange juice” but it’s actually orange “drink.” You know, Tang? Yeah, it’s Tang with pureed pulp floating in it. They label the plain old Tang, “Orange Drink” but they label Tang with pureed pulp “Orange Juice.”

6. Translation Dictionaries. I was flipping though my translation dictionary and found an entry that made no sense to me… in English. I truly have no idea what a “Blue Movie” is in English. To me, that statement makes no sense. So, I asked one of my Chinese colleagues if she could translate the Chinese into something less opaque in English. I asked this in the office of all the Chinese English teachers. The woman I asked gasped, giggled and blushed as she announced to the whole office what I just asked. Everyone tried to hide their giggling as they looked at me. One woman, between giggling tried to translate. “Adult. Adult movie.” It all clicked and suddenly I realized that I had just asked half of my colleagues to translate “porno flick.” Keep in mind, in my office there are Born Again Christians and in China, sex is a general no-no.

7. Noises. General noises we make in English mean things in Chinese. “Hey-yo!” hollered to get people’s attention sounds a lot like “I don’t have” in Chinese.

8. Sex. It’s repressed here, so it comes out in ways I’m not accustom to; like 6 year olds trying to cop a feel.

9. Discipline. They’re not joking around about it here. I now teach kindergarten students twice a week for an hour each time. The kindergarteners are told to sit properly in their chairs and not get up. Any loud outbursts or rambunctious behavior is sternly punished. If I want to have interaction with the (very normal) children, I must approach them and not let them out of their chairs.

10. “Fresh.” In Chinese, “fresh” must be one of the most beautiful words to describe a woman. However, in English, “We love you because you’re so fresh” does not quite carry the same implications. I am consistently told how wonderfully “fresh” I am by both suitors and employers.

11. Children. Despite their harsh discipline and the occasional bad apple, the kids are so loving. We had a rocky start but really like each other now. They are generally so happy to see me that even the craziest kids literally leap up onto me to full-body hug me hello and good-bye. They love to hold my hand, hug me and kiss my cheek.

12. Ceremony. So I’m making friends and being treated about as much an equal as one could hope for in a society that has never had full-time exposure to a Western woman. We joke with each other. The young women are comfortable bossing me around, the way young women who know it all do. The older women are comfortable bossing me around the way that women who wish they had done it differently do. Generally, the women (and the occasional man willing to brave the language barrier) are comfortable around me. We talk about life, travel, sleeping and health tips. My friendships are profound in the equality we’ve been able to find; primarily, the sisterhood knows few cultural boundaries. However, the moment we’re all in a formal setting, I become distinctly aware of our difference. In all formal settings, I become the movie star that everyone clamors to get a photo with and I become “famous” in the “communal piece of property” sense. Levels of discipline and decorum are fiercely respected and it is unthinkable that I would be just one of the gang. The strangest part, to me, is that there is generally no one new around when this shift happens. It’s just us and the pretext of the ceremony.

13. Maintenance. There is dust everywhere and it is there constantly because of the air pollution. I have to sweep and wash every flat surface at least twice a week. I must do all my laundry by hand. I must shop for food at least five times a week (most people here shop at least twice a day and eat out at least once). The thing about food shopping is that one must have at least four different places one must go to get groceries and for whatever reason, they are rarely all in the same place. Being one’s own housewife is seriously time consuming. No wonder no one ever goes anywhere. There’s no time.