PAGING MRS ROBINSON

I admit it, I’ve got a serious weakness for fringe boys who look like Mike Shinoda (the rapper from Linkin’ Park and the lead guy in Fort Minor). I love the Asian music/ arty boys in their hoodies and baggy pants. Granted, I’m usually drawn to Korean boys (which is not Shinoda) but I definitely get the occasional Japanese or Chinese guy in there. I don’t know what it is about them but whatever it is, I’m addicted to it.

My hottest student, it goes without saying, is of the genre of boys I’ve got a serious weakness for. It also goes without saying that I’ve never thought much of the student outside of the passing, “I would have wasted so much time on unrequited love for you when I was your age” as, at 28, I am almost twice the 16-year old’s age and he’s not exactly interested in learning English (sits in the back of the class reading car magazines, gossiping with friends and generally making good-natured trouble). Let’s be honest, I know how to more than figuratively crack a whip. While I’m not about to brag about my former conquests to my current lovers, I have no interest in playing naÔve when it comes to sex. To be brutally honest, I play hard so I’ll find a “he” who can beat me at my best game. In other words, a boy I would quite literally send home to mommy in tears certainly does not turn my crank.

Nevertheless, today (11/2) he and several of the other students were hell-bent on being able to go play ping-pong. Apparently the teachers, on occasion, adjourn class to play ping-pong. I, however, am (unfortunately) not “just” one of the teachers. Everything I do is scrutinized, so I do my best to adhere to the protocol. I explained to my “Puppy Love” crush that if he could find a Chinese teacher to say it’s okay then I had no problem with the class going to play ping-pong. Frankly, the kids are working hard studying for their midterm exams and I don’t mind allowing them the occasional opportunity to relax.

The Hot Student led the pack of students desperate to play ping-pong. When my Puppy Love Crush got back from asking the teacher, he told us the teacher had said no. I told my class I was sorry that they couldn’t play ping-pong and then the Hot Student looked at me, nodded and winked at me. He actually winked at me.

I did my best to turn full around before I started laughing. As I’m standing there facing the chalkboard, fake-coughing-fit giggling, I’m trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I start the lesson and I’m thinking, “Figure it out. What do you do?”
Frankly, I had no idea. I couldn’t really turn him in for because he’d get killed. I mean, the beating that awaits that sort of behavior is staggering. And, I’m not upset by it. I don’t think it’s disrespectful; I’m sure Gloria Alred would disagree but it didn’t feel disrespectful. It felt very Van-Halen-Hot-For-Teacher innocent. My conundrum is this; how do you stop it without berating him. I didn’t want to make a federal case out this but there was no way I could see to deal with it without doing so.

So I decided to let it slide and do my best to stop giggling. The “stop giggling” piece was really, really hard; after all, I was in college before he was in Kindergarten. To put it another way, I’ve been sexually active almost his whole life. (and now I feel super old)

And then he did it again. This time, I was in the middle of the classroom and unable to turn around anywhere. Consequently, through my giggling I said, “Stop.” He nodded the confident smile of the overly-cocky 16 year old male and I tried really, really hard to seem irritated.

Yeah, I didn’t do so well because he kept doing it and it kept making me giggle at the ridiculousness of being hit on by a boy who would literally be running home to mommy the moment he got what he was asking for.

When I finally left class, I wondered where the hell he learned that. Clearly, I was not his first nervous venture into hitting on a teacher. I thought about all the teachers that I knew of that taught this class and which ones might not only condone such actions but allow them to flourish. And then it occurred to me that my beautiful colleague teaches this class. I have no proof that she’s where he learned it but I certainly would not be surprised.

I then told my Brazilian Angel about it this evening and instead of acknowledging the “boy” issue she said, “Well, 16 is not always so young.” I told her she was crazy and she rebutted with, “Perhaps you prefer the older boy who thinks you look older than his grandmother?” Really, who can argue with that logic?

At least one of my classes is seriously entertaining.