AND I AM CONFUSED

Lewis Black is a comedian/actor/writer/playwright I happen to most align with in terms of “world views”; I’m a bitchy curmudgeon who’s seen a fair amount, is entirely too New-York-Jew and a fair bit too articulate when I’m mad for it to be any good. That is not to say I don’t occasionally become perplexed beyond all capacity for speech when confronted with the weirdness that comprises life, it’s just to say that in those moments of complete and utter dumbness, I have a specific flash of Lewis Black.

The specific flash is in his show, “The End” and he is talking about seeing the Superbowl Halftime show. Apparently, this was the halftime show where Britney Spears, ‘Nsync and Aerosmith were performing together. Spastically, he reaches out with one hand says, “Britney Spears” and then he reaches out with the other hand and says, “Aerosmith” then he brings his hands together in front of his beyond-perplexed face and finally says, “And I am confuuuuuused.” He then reaches the punchline involving a spoon but what sticks with me is the placid face of complete and utter confoundedness at the absurdity of life from a man so commonly wrapped up in rage and fury. The sublime nature of the snarky individual pushed beyond all reason always makes me feel just a little warm and fuzzy inside because I am not alone.

Z sought me out, sat down with me for lunch today and then told me he missed me.

Let me repeat that: Z sought me out. Z sat down with me. Z told me he missed me.

He actively chose to sit with me today (3/14) and not his friends who were saving him a seat nearby. As Yente, my usual lunch mate on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays was not there today, it ended up being just the two of us at our table.

Yeah, it was weird. He attempted to make small talk with me and I just had nothing to say. I was “confuuuuuused.”

At last, he stopped talking, looked me straight in the face for a while and then spoke, “I miss speaking English. I miss learning English.”

There it was. Z telling me he missed me. Where does one go with that? What?

I was so dumbfounded and lost that I simply sat with him for the rest of lunch. Frankly, I’m still without a language to articulate quite where my head is.

Utterly perplexed, I went to my Chinese Angel.

“Wha… wha… what?” I stammered after I explained what happened.

“Who knows. Don’t do anything. Just see where it goes.” She said.

“But I don’t understand.”

“Second chance?”

“But I’m confused.”

“Don’t do anything, just see where it goes.”

“No, I get that. I understand that. I’ve made a fool of myself before. I’m not doing it twice.” And I’m truly at a loss as to what he could possibly be thinking much less what he could possibly be doing, so how on earth am I going to be able to act on anything?

And I am confused.